The Rubik’s Conundrum
When I was in high school Rubik’s Cubes were immensely popular. Practically all my classmates had one, and I, of course, had one too. I liked to think I was pretty good at “solving” it. I could get it most of the way done. One side would be complete, and the top two rows of every other side would be correct. But, try as I might, solving the bottom row always eluded me.
Eventually, I became frustrated with my inability to solve it, so I cheated. I went out and bought a book that showed me a step-by-step solution. It turns out (and this had never occurred to me) that completing the Cube requires you to disrupt the already solved parts. I was hoping for a neat, tidy solution. One that allowed me to keep what I had already done intact. But no, finishing the puzzle required twisting, turning, and mixing it up again.
I • HATED • THIS!
Diabetes and Disillusionment
On a Thursday afternoon in late 2005, I was diagnosed with diabetes. By the following Monday, I was on diabetes meds, high-cholesterol meds, and pills for high blood pressure. In less than a week, my life utterly changed. I was devastated.
I remember thinking, “O.K. Lord, I need a miracle. I need to NOT be a diabetic!” But time went on, and I STILL had diabetes.
Diabetes patients require a lot of tests and checkups, so I became a regular at my local clinic. There were meetings with the diabetic nurse. Meetings with the eye doctor. Meetings with the nutritionist. And then more appointments with my doctor. As I slogged through all these discussions, one thing became crystal clear. They were expecting me to MANAGE diabetes. But I wanted a miracle. I wanted to OVERCOME diabetes. So I began to search for an alternative solution.
A couple of months later, I was on a somewhat obscure bodybuilding forum. They outlined a method that competitors used to get ready for a show. The regimen not only helped them get lean but also increased insulin sensitivity. So it could, in theory, help regulate my blood sugar, and control diabetes. I decided to go all-in on this plan and see what would happen.
Implementing this new program required a LOT of focus and planning. Now I was watching…WHAT I ate, WHEN I ate, HOW often I ate. I kept track of what I ate yesterday because that would dictate what I could eat today. I was logging my meals and counting macronutrients. The list of new skills required was pretty long for a guy used to eating whatever, whenever.
This new plan, added to the responsibilities of my sickness, meant everything in my life got put on hold. I couldn’t move my business forward. I shied away from socializing. I felt like even the put-together parts of my life were being dismantled. Like I couldn’t move forward. And in some ways, like I was moving backward. Like I was losing all I had. I felt COMPLETELY undone.
But Then…
After a year following the plan, I was off all medication. I had lost 200 pounds. My blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol were all boringly normal. I was COMPLETELY different than I had been 12 months before.
God gave me my miracle. But NOT in the way I expected.
I wanted God to touch me with His magic God-wand and make things the way they were before. I wanted God to focus only on the one damaged area. To change the out-of-place, chaotic-part, and put it right. Silly naïve me. God’s solution, like the Rubik’s Cube, required messing up the seemingly in-order parts. God’s answer didn’t remove the problem and put me back the way I was. It twisted EVERYTHING apart, tore it all down, and gave me something better.
And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make.
Jeremiah 18:4 NKJV
God’s solutions often require dismantling our put-together parts. We can end up feeling torn apart and unsettled because we don’t understand what’s going on. And even when we do understand, it can still be frightening, frustrating, and downright infuriating. It’s not fun. It’s not easy. But It’s not a mistake.